2014: A year filled with pain and lessons, all worth it in the end

As 2014 comes to a close, I reflect back on this year. While I don't remember the majority of the small events, those small events end up becoming some of the most defining. Rather than drudging up the pain of the year, I'd rather talk about the top lessons I have learned from that pain and and struggles. Funny enough I found myself on both sides of these lessons. Yep this is one of those dreaded list posts. 

1. People deal with pain and loss differently. You can't force them to see things your way. Sometimes the best support you can offer is an open heart and ears. They will come to terms with their issues and eventually become grateful for you just being there.

2. People do things that just don't make sense. Even to them, eventually they make little sense in hindsight, but in the moment make perfect sense.

3. Sometimes the past catches up to you and you just have to hunker down and tough it out, even when those consequences suck worse than you could imagine.

4. Every single person has baggage and a past. It ultimately is your choice whether you are strong enough and willing to help that person unpack that load, or help them carry it until they are ready. It is also up to you to weigh and deal with the consequences of taking on that load.

5. Some people have a hard time expressing their gratitude, don't assume they're ungrateful. 

6. Don't assume people learn lessons after the first time. Some it takes several times, or even hitting rock bottom before they learn. 

7. Don't assume that because you think you've been through a similar situation, it actually is. To them, it's different and again, they aren't going to deal with it the same way you did. 

8. There are people who are damaged to the point they are cautious of every person they come in contact with, even with the most trustworthy people. If you're up for the challenge, patience is the only way to cope with this. 

9. Just because you feel unimportant in someone's life, this doesn't mean you always are. Sometimes, you may be the most important person to them, and they let others know about it, even when you feel invisible. 

10. There are people who still love unconditionally. 

11. Even with the best of intentions, your friends aren't always right. They can only offer advice with what they understand. Be appreciative of that advice and love, but they don't walk your path. 

The biggest lesson I have learned this year is this:

12. There are people worth fighting for. Even when they hurt you deeply and you go through huge amounts of crap for them, they are still worth it. At times it may not seem like it, but when you finally see the fruits of that fight, you realize it was truly all worth it in the end. Giving up isn't always the best option, sometimes it's not an option at all. 

This is how my year has played out. Full of fight, full of lessons but also has ended with love that I could have never imagined. While this fight will continue on into the new year, I am realizing the fight for those you love never ends. In the process of someone else learning how much you love them, you end up learning YOUR love for them is much deeper than you thought and love always wins. 

Living as a real life Jekyll and Hyde

I'm a horrible blogger, I know. I'm pretty inconsistent, scattered all over the place and at times, I frankly just don't care. I started my blog with the intent to just vent my feelings at the time. I never expected anyone to read it, but after several posts and almost 1,000 views, I don't think that's too bad. Maybe in this process someone, hopefully has benefited. A lot has gone on in the time between posts, however I will go back 9 months. 

November of last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This was a devastating blow to my ego at the time. I felt like it confirmed my fears that something was wrong with me and my personality. I had a hard time dealing with it for a good little while. A couple of months later I realized instead of using it as an excuse for my behaviors, I could use it as a tool as to why I act the way I do and figure out solutions and better coping mechanisms. For the next three months I did pretty well. I was taking my medications, going to counseling, and doing great in school. I was figuring out ways to deal with problems and not letting it affect my school work and things at home. A few months later things changed. I began to allow someone else(whom I will not mention out of respect) affect my moods and my outlook on life. I began to feel again as if I was a horrible person and something was wrong with me. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried I kept messing things up. I began to become the person I worked so hard to not be again. I became needy and clingy to this person while pushing away people I should have kept close. I was so afraid of losing everything I had felt I worked so hard to keep. While this person had problems of their own that were already there that I had not contributed to, I seemed to have been making them worse. At least that's how I felt. Being supportive became being overbearing and invasive. While that wasn't my intent at all, it became all too real, I had let my emotions get the best of me...again. Only much more intensely and extreme. Now, in all fairness to myself, there were legitimate reasons why I felt the way I did, which would be an entire blog post of its own, so I'm not going into detail. I will NEVER apologize for how I feel about anything or my opinions. However, when necessary I will apologize for how I cope with and react to those feelings...I'm a work in progress and I do in fact try my best. 

Something I have learned with trying to understand this disorder is, you have have have to be very clear and direct with someone who is bipolar. Being vague and allowing them to draw their own conclusions only ends up making for a horrible scenario. Being bipolar is bad enough but when someone else cannot be clear and concise, there becomes two people who confuse each other. Properly treated bipolar disorder can still take a toll on the person with the disorder. This I can attest to. The mood swings from mania to depression still happen, maybe not as frequently or as extreme. Not knowing when they will happen or how bad they will be causes massive confusion for me. Outside stressors only exacerbate the problem. This is why it is extremely important for me to surround myself with people with stability. This leads to why I absolutely hate this disorder.

 I am hard to deal with. Obviously if I don't know what my mood will be from day to day, it is hard to expect someone else to brace for it and deal with it. Most people have a hard time understanding and think I'm crazy or a moody bitch. Others just refuse to try. There are days when I wish anyone could be inside my head for an entire day. Then they just may understand why this shit sucks. I am no different from anyone else. If someone could get past my moodiness they would find I am a caring, compassionate, loving person who would do anything in the world for those I care about. This however is not an easy feat. It's hard. It's hard on those who have accepted me, deal with me on a daily basis and especially my family. This is not me making excuses for myself or anyone else with bipolar. I can hold a job for an extended period of time, I can be a great mom and I can be a best friend. So can most others contrary to what a lot of people seem to think. I am not crazy. I don't want to be defined by this disorder. And I won't. 

Being Single

So, here it is, another Christmas and I'm single. After two years of the things that I've learned and been through, the most important thing I have learned, is being single does not have to mean being "alone." I've seen friends get married, get engaged, and develop new wonderful relationships. Sometimes I find myself envying that desperately. I even see friends that have been with their significant others for years, and realize how bad I wish I could have that. But something that I have to stop and remind myself of is, God made us all unique. We all weren't meant to find our other half in high school. There are even times that I wonder if I'm not being punished for the mistakes I have made when it comes to relationships, having kids out of marriage, ect.  I also have to stop and remember that, the God I know does teach painful lessons, but he also doesn't allow for extended suffering. It may seem like suffering, but it could quite possibly be a lesson that I, along with many other hard headed people I know are having a hard time grasping.

I had to stop and think last night, maybe I'm meant to fulfill a greater purpose before I become a girlfriend, then a wife. I even realized that I am certainly not in the emotional or financial position to take on another person, quite possibly multiple people depending on if that person has children. I even had to stop and think, well maybe I have met that person, it's just not the right time yet. Being my age and still being single can be very confusing and trying. It will make you wonder if there's something wrong with you, or if what you're doing is wrong.  Well, I can tell you from personal experience, that yes, your method in how you try to find that other person plays a role in whether you will find them or not.  However, there is NOTHING wrong with you. This has been a learning process for me. Probably for a few others who are in the same position as I am. However, I have to always try to look at it as, this isn't the end.  My step dad was over 30 before he and my mom got married. The world didn't end yesterday, and it has given me a new look on the fact that I am still young and still have so much more to do. I think I'll be ok waiting on my future husband to come along.

Obama's Accomplishments

Posted in the comments by a fellow fan of a Conservative Facebook Page

Quit trashing President Obama's accomplishments. He has done more than any other President before him. He has an impressive list of accomplishments:

First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.

First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.

First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States

First President to violate the War Powers Act. .

First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico .

First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.

First President to spend a trillion dollars on 'shovel-ready' jobs when there was no such thing as 'shovel-ready' jobs.

First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.

First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.

First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S. , including those with criminal convictions.

First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.

First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.

First President to terminate America 's ability to put a man in space.

First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.

First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.

First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.

First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke-out on the reasons for their rate increases.

First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.

First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).

First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.

First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal).

First President to fire an inspector general of Ameri-Corps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.

First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.

First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists.

First President to golf 73 separate times in his first two and a half years in office, 102 to date.

First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records.

First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.

First President to go on multiple global “apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours.

First President to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayer.

First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.

First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

First President to repeat the Holy Quran & tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth.

First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences”.

Then he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion.

First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states (Mexico vs Arizona).

How is this hope and change working out for you? THERE'S AN ELECTION COMING UP...I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THIS LIST WHEN YOU VOTE!

Hmmm

REMEMBER JANUARY 3, 2007 

Some people have short memories…..

DO YOU REMEMBER JANUARY 3, 2007? 

Remember that on October 9, 2007, 11 months before our “economic crisis” occurred (that was actually created), the Dow hit its highest point ever, closing at 14,164.53 and reaching 14,198.10 intra-day level 2 days later. Unemployment was steady at 4.7%. But things were already being put in place to create the havoc we’ve all been experiencing since then. And it all started, as this email explains, on January 3, 2007. 

I'm sending this to each of you regardless of your party preferences because I believe it is something you may not have considered. 

This tells the story, why Bush was so “bad” at the end of his term. 

Don't just skim over this, it's not very long, read it slowly and let it sink in. If in doubt, check it out!!! 

The day the Democrats took over was not January 22nd 2009, it was actually January 3rd 2007, which was the day the Democrats took over the House of Representatives and the Senate, at the very start of the 110th Congress.

The Democrat Party controlled a majority in both chambers for the first time since the end of the 103rd Congress in 1995.

For those who are listening to the liberals propagating the fallacy that everything is "Bush's Fault", think about this: January 3rd, 2007 was the day the Democrats took over the Senate and the Congress.

At the time:

The DOW Jones closed at 12,621.77

The GDP for the previous quarter was 3.5%

The Unemployment rate was 4.6%

George Bush's Economic policies SET A RECORD of 52 STRAIGHT MONTHS of JOB GROWTH

Remember the day...

January 3rd, 2007 was the day that Barney Frank took over the House Financial Services Committee and Chris Dodd took over the Senate Banking Committee. The economic meltdown that happened 15 months later was in what part of the economy? BANKING AND FINANCIAL SERVICES!

Unemployment... to this CRISIS by (among MANY other things) dumping 5-6 TRILLION Dollars of toxic loans on the economy from YOUR Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac FIASCOES!

Bush asked Congress 17 TIMES to stop Fannie & Freddie - starting in 2001 because it was financially risky for the US economy.

And who took the THIRD highest pay-off from Fannie Mae AND Freddie Mac? OBAMA. And who fought against reform of Fannie and Freddie? OBAMA and the Democrat Congress.

So when someone tries to blame Bush. REMEMBER JANUARY 3rd, 2007....

THE DAY THE DEMOCRATS TOOK OVER!"

Budgets do not come from the White House. They come from Congress and the party that controlled Congress since January 2007 is the Democrat Party.

Furthermore, the Democrats controlled the budget process for 2008 & 2009 as well as 2010 & 2011.

In that first year, they had to contend with George Bush, which caused them to compromise on spending, when Bush somewhat belatedly got tough on spending increases.

For 2009 though, Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid bypassed George Bush entirely, passing continuing resolutions to keep government running until Barack Obama could take office. At that time, they passed a massive omnibus spending bill to complete the 2009 budgets.

And where was Barack Obama during this time? He was a member of that very Congress that passed all of these massive spending bills, and he signed the omnibus bill as President to complete 2009.

If the Democrats inherited any deficit, it was the 2007 deficit, the last of the Republican budgets. That deficit was the lowest in five years, and the fourth straight decline in deficit spending. After that, Democrats in Congress took control of spending, and that includes Barack Obama, who voted for the budgets.

If Obama inherited anything, he inherited it from himself. In a nutshell, what Obama is saying is I inherited a deficit that I voted for and then I voted to expand that deficit four-fold since January 20th.

There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on! 

Thank You to Those Who Voted for Obama

Obama refuses to take responsibility for anything he does, including ruining our economy to the point that unemployment is rampant. There is always something or someone else to blame. Let’s hear it for everyone who voted for this fooI. Thanks, guys! He has attacked states, called Americans “enemy” and betrayed his political opponents to the UN. He has vacationed an unprecedented number of days and played golf on those days he was not vacationing. He has spent us into oblivion. His hacks and goons initiate smear campaigns against those with opposing viewpoints because he is afraid to debate the issues. They want to shut down conservative speech. His friends are racists, anti-Americans, and
criminals. His wife is ashamed of her country. He lectures the American people as if they are little children that he has to correct.

1. You who voted for Obama because you disagree with Bush’s Middle East policy: nicely done! 
The Middle East, never a completely stable region, is in turmoil now after Obama instigated riots and failed to support pro-democracy groups. Now, regimes which were friendly towards the US have been toppled, extremists have filled the void. Women who will now be subjugated under S h a r I a h law are beholden to you.  He has violated the War Powers Act by not withdrawing all troops from
Libya before the 60-day deadline, an impeachable offense. Also, Obama has ensured that we will remain dependent on Middle-East oil.

2. If you thought Bush was crooked, so you voted for Obama: Congratulations on your inferior
deductive capabilities!
You have helped usher in the filthiest, most crooked administration ever. They supplied guns to Mexican criminals, resulting in many, many deaths. They sue states for upholding the law while
failing to enforce the law themselves, and they allow NBP to disenfranchise voters. Hope you are happy with your choice. The rest of us are NOT.

3. Union members who supported him: you merit an honorable mention! 
Yes, he is all for making sure you have sweetheart deals as recompense
for your unflagging support of his campaign, but what happens when he runs out
of other peoples’ money? The most expensive workers, and you know who you are, will be the first to go in favor of cheaper non-union labor. You will have negotiated yourselves out of your jobs. 
Congrats!

4. Minorities who  voted for him based solely on his skin color: way to go! Your unemployment rate has increased more than that of other groups. Perhaps you would have been better off to heed Martin Luther King’s words about judging a man by the content of his character and not the color of his skin. There was plenty of information available that showed he has no character or integrity.

5. You in the healthcare and medical insurance industries who voted for him: pat yourselves
on the back!
 Many of you will be forced to either accept terms that assure you will not see a profit, or you will have
to retire or find a new line of work. ObamaCare calls for dumping millions more into the system, including illegal aliens who will receive subsidies at the expense of hard working taxpayers. You will be frustrated when needed treatments for your patients are denied by government bureaucrats. Not only that, but the politics behind this monstrously bad bill were beyond dirty.  Thanks a heII of a lot for bringing this curse upon all of us.

6. Jews who voted for him: take a bow! 

You managed to help elect the most pro-Muslim, anti-Israel, terrorist-friendly president ever. What the heII were you thinking?

7. Catholics who voted for Obama: standing ovation for you! 
His voting record on abortion is 100% for terminating any pregnancy, at any stage, including AFTER a baby is out of the womb and birth canal. Your seconds in the voting booth are truly a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment.

8. Whytes who voted for him by reason of whyte guilt: you now have a REAL reason to feel guilty. 
Well done!

9. College students
who voted for Obama because it was the “cool” thing to do: how cool is it to
put our nation trillions of dollars into debt, ruining the economy and along
with it any hope you had for achieving a decent standard of living? “Yes we can” and “hope and change” are simply slogans, and NOT plans for running a country. You have no one but yourselves
to blame for your current predicament.  And the rest of us do not appreciate your significant contribution to saddling us all with the community organizer.

10. Women who voted for him: you got what you asked for.
 In BO’s administration, women are paid less than men, and women have suffered higher unemployment because of his policies.

Now all of you have made your own little contribution to our continually declining economy. It would be karma if all of you who voted for him lost your jobs, while those who saw through the lies and didn't vote

for him kept theirs.

Taking back our name

It's an election year. It's pretty obvious and those who don't know...SURPRISE!  I'm not new to the political arena, I've followed it for a few years now, and especially since Obama took office because I didn't vote for him in the first place and I surely am not voting for him to be reelected, but I want to make sure that it was for the right reasons.

Has anyone else noticed that religion becomes a fiery subject in an election year? I realize that it's pretty prominent between but it seems like gas gets thrown on said fire. Also Christians usually get right in the middle of the crosshairs. Why? Because we put ourselves there.  

Oh yes, I went there. Last time I checked, it wasn't our place as a whole to get into politics. No, I don't think it's wrong to be a politician and be a Christian.  Do I think it's wrong to vote based on your beliefs? No, not really. The point though is, a lot of Christian groups are throwing their hats into the political arena and taking their focus off what being a true Christian is, to love and to serve. Christians don't need to hold news conferences to express our beliefs, to tell what we are for or against.  People are going to see who we are by the WAY we love, not by how we just talk about it. Words mean nothing when they're not backed up by action.  It's not our job to force our beliefs on others. Remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

It's time for Christians to take back our good name and stop letting people use it as a weapon against us.