I started this post on the 39th anniversary of Roe v Wade, I'm a little late finishing and posting it, sorry.
I'm sure that so far anyone who has read this blog knows that I am a Christian with very conservative political views. And there are times when I can get pretty passionate about those views. I am in no way out to offend anyone or hurt feelings. I welcome healthy debate and I also am willing to see anyone's point of view. It's most likely not going to change my mind on the certain issue at hand, but I try to be open minded. With that said...
Today marks 39 years since Roe v Wade was passed in 1973. Anyone who doesn't know that is the suit that paved the way to legalized abortion. It obviously was before my time being that I'm not quite 30. Now, I am in a way flying by the seat of my pants with this post, as I am doing my research as I go along, about the case. I do know that Jane Roe's name is actually Norma McCorvey. She went before the Texas state Supreme Court to try to legally obtain an abortion because she claimed to have been raped. At this time, abortion was limited to only if it was necessary to preserve the life of the mother. At this point I will let you do your own research on the trial and legislation. I will be happy to post any links that would be helpful.
Now, on to where I become very passionate. I am very obviously pro-life and will gladly defend my position till I am blue in the face. I believe wholeheartedly that abortion is legal murder. Point blank, period. So, I periodically have Facebook brawls with Pro-choicers that have a tendency to get very nasty. Do I care? Not particularly. Because here is the way I look at it. If you get to the point that I have made you upset or mad, could there be a possibility that I've made you think a whole minute? I don't tend to get angry at the ignorance and cold hearted comments that some people make. That just proves exactly that. That they're cold hearted, ignorant, and misinformed. The government and our society has, to me, brainwashed people to totally believe that just because a baby is attached and depends on the mother's body for life for the first 9 months, that that baby IS their body and that they can do with it as they choose. WRONG. I've heard probably every nonsensical argument from the pro-choice side that ranges from equating a fetus to a parasite to a rapist. Crazy huh? Well, they may not have actually come out and said those exact words but any adult with common sense and a little bit of logic can come to those conclusions. However, I have actually heard some people refer to a baby as a parasite, and not in the joking manner, I did with my sons jokingly. Those are not the people I am referring to.
I have had heard the line "No one has the right to use someone else's body against their will" so many times in just the last few months that it has literally made me want to vomit. Let's break that comment down a little bit. For a fetus (embryo, zygote, however you would like to refer to it) to be someone who is "using your body against your will" you must actually recognize that it is human. Well, here comes the first fallacy. The majority of the pro-choice movement refuses to even recognize the fetus as human or alive. I know there are a select few that do actually recognize that but still choose to say "my body my choice" blah blah...tell that to someone who will actually believe that garbage. Second fallacy, the moment you choose to have sex, you accept the consequences that follow. It's that simple. However, over the years our government in many aspects has made it way to easy to dodge responsibility. I'm not going to go into all of those aspects because we will be here all night. Birth control fails. It happens it even tells you that it's not 100%. So, you are willing to take that chance. Now that I have blown that statement out of the water, let's move on to the next.
My Body My Choice Ugh, so out dated and blahhh....I’ll just go ahead and say it: I agree with this statement. It is entirely up to a person, man or woman, to decide what they can do with their own body, so long as no one else’s rights are being violated. And this one-liner would hold water if and only if abortion didn’t involve the body of a completely separate and unique human being who will die a violent and painful death during the process of that so-called ‘choice.’ Your body, your choice; baby’s body, baby’s choice. NEXT! One more...
“Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one.”
When someone resorts to this statement, it becomes quite apparent they cannot actually defend their stance on abortion. This is the logical equivalent of “Don’t like rape? Don’t rape!” “Don’t like child molestation? Don’t molest a child!” “Don’t like slavery? Don’t own a slave!” …But don’t you dare tell me what I can and can’t do. Easy as that.
The last 2 comments were borrowed from Jennie Stone's piece on Pro-Choice Bumper Sticker Speak. (Gotta give cred where cred is deserved) which can be found in its entirety at
http://liveaction.org/blog/responding-to-pro-choice-bumper-sticker-speak/
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
A Little Something By Bob Marley
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has ...thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley
Friday, January 20, 2012
A Few Marilyn Monroe Quotes
So, we all know Marilyn Monroe was a sex symbol. But do we all know that she was a very deep and intelligent lady? Well, you will after reading a few of her quotes. I will bold my favorites.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
“It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”
“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
“I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.”
t's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
“It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”
“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
“I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.”
t's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone.
We've all heard it before...
Ever heard anyone say "God sends you your person when you least expect it"? Well, its true. I will protect this person's identity by referring to him as JL. YES! Another guy in my life. What can I say, I'm a sucker for the males. But I think he just may be a little different. He came off at first as kinda rough, if you know what I mean. But as time has progressed, I have seen a very sweet, vulnerable, man of God. Yep, he's a decent Christian with good morals. Someone who I honestly think I've needed for a very long time. No, we aren't together. I'm still not ready for that just yet. But, to know that there is someone who tries his best to live his life through Christ, he is definitely worth keeping around. I'm still trying my best to keep moving forward. Some days are easier than others, but for the most part I'm moving along nicely. It's never a good idea to keep wondering about what ifs and all that. I've learned the hard way that you only either A. give yourself false hope, or B. you demonize someone unfairly. I will rarely speak ill of someone unwarranted. You have to piss me off pretty bad for me to talk smack about you. And even then, unless it's me venting, to someone I trust and in private, I still won't throw you too far under the bus.
My point is this. I was blinded for a few weeks by something. I'm not sure what it was, again it's one of those things I very well may not know. I'm honestly beginning the think that my aunt is right, that God was guarding my heart to prevent me from going through some serious pain that he knew would be hard for me to handle. Sometimes we look past what is obviously staring us in the face to try to watch something else fade off into the distance. It's like seeing the forest for the trees. Again, I will ask the question, do I think I and the new J have something? Well, I don't know. I have yet to meet him. So, let's get that past us first then, I'll make my predictions. Heck, this time, I very well may try not to even make a prediction and just go with it. God has thrown me some serious curve balls, and even though I've been hit smack in the face with a few, I've healed and learned to be cautious, and keep my eyes wide open. Dealing with hard issues in our lives are like pulling band-aids off. It's much easier to snatch that sucker off and just be done. Yes, I know I talked about sticking my band-aid back on and healing for a while. But, I took a peek, and it's healing nicely. When I just don't turn around to try to look in the distance for something that keeps fading, knowing that it is not turning around to come back, I do much better. I'll always remember fun and happy times, and sometimes it makes me smile. Other times it makes me sad. But, knowing for that short time I was happy is comforting. Don't get me wrong, I am happy now. And even though I've suffered a few bumps, bruises and have a few scars, I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've endured. They've gotten me to where I am today. I love my life.
My point is this. I was blinded for a few weeks by something. I'm not sure what it was, again it's one of those things I very well may not know. I'm honestly beginning the think that my aunt is right, that God was guarding my heart to prevent me from going through some serious pain that he knew would be hard for me to handle. Sometimes we look past what is obviously staring us in the face to try to watch something else fade off into the distance. It's like seeing the forest for the trees. Again, I will ask the question, do I think I and the new J have something? Well, I don't know. I have yet to meet him. So, let's get that past us first then, I'll make my predictions. Heck, this time, I very well may try not to even make a prediction and just go with it. God has thrown me some serious curve balls, and even though I've been hit smack in the face with a few, I've healed and learned to be cautious, and keep my eyes wide open. Dealing with hard issues in our lives are like pulling band-aids off. It's much easier to snatch that sucker off and just be done. Yes, I know I talked about sticking my band-aid back on and healing for a while. But, I took a peek, and it's healing nicely. When I just don't turn around to try to look in the distance for something that keeps fading, knowing that it is not turning around to come back, I do much better. I'll always remember fun and happy times, and sometimes it makes me smile. Other times it makes me sad. But, knowing for that short time I was happy is comforting. Don't get me wrong, I am happy now. And even though I've suffered a few bumps, bruises and have a few scars, I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've endured. They've gotten me to where I am today. I love my life.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Day At a Time...
Things seem to be falling together nicely the last couple of days. I've got an interview Friday with an ob/gyn office. Which will all around be nice. Perfect hours, almost a dollar more an hour in pay, no weekends. And it will give me some obstetrics experience that I'd love to have being that I want to go into labor and delivery once I graduate RN school. Plus being that I'm getting a new car within the next couple of weeks I need the income to pay for it :) Am I getting my hopes up? No, but I am putting it into God's hands and letting him lead me to where I'm suppose to be. I have given my current employer almost 10 years of my life. And to repay me for those years of service, they treat me horribly, cut my hours, and the hours they give me are awful. I don't feel like I can go to anyone without things being turned around on me, or being snitched on for venting. I've always done my best to give the best patient care and be efficient at the same time. It's not possible around there. I know no job is going to be perfect, I also know that there are going to be people you don't get along with and can't trust. But my goodness is all I can say.
Am I bashing people, well I would hope that no one thought so because I try to not talk smack about people. However, when you work for a bunch of self-absorbed nurses who think they do no wrong and their way of doing things is the best way, its hard to offer constructive criticism without getting your face ripped off. This isn't my rant and co-worker bashing session. But, a time to ask, when do we know it's time to move on? A lot of times I have a hard time deciphering what God is telling me, so I just keep praying. Could this be my time to move on? It sure seems like it. Don't get me wrong, I love the majority of the folks I currently work with. But, my theory has been when you get to the point when you loathe going to work and dread going, its time to move on. But it seems like everytime I've tried, the door hasn't been opened.
I'm hoping Friday God opens that door.
Am I bashing people, well I would hope that no one thought so because I try to not talk smack about people. However, when you work for a bunch of self-absorbed nurses who think they do no wrong and their way of doing things is the best way, its hard to offer constructive criticism without getting your face ripped off. This isn't my rant and co-worker bashing session. But, a time to ask, when do we know it's time to move on? A lot of times I have a hard time deciphering what God is telling me, so I just keep praying. Could this be my time to move on? It sure seems like it. Don't get me wrong, I love the majority of the folks I currently work with. But, my theory has been when you get to the point when you loathe going to work and dread going, its time to move on. But it seems like everytime I've tried, the door hasn't been opened.
I'm hoping Friday God opens that door.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Being a Christian : The Ups and Downs of Knowing the Love of God
My snarky take on rededicating my life to Christ.
Most people know that I'm a smartass 98.4% of the time so please don't take offense to my post. And yes, there are pros and cons to living a Christ-centered life.
Potty mouth : I have one of the worst potty mouths ever. I'm horrible with the f bomb and my favorite word is shit. No, technically I'm not suppose to say awful ugly words but, am I the only one who feels better sometimes after going off on an obscenity-filled rant? I'm working on it...ok?
Sex : After 10 years of getting it on demand whenever I want, its a challenge to just cut myself of and say, no more, sorry I'm waiting till marriage now...humph... :(
Music : Good grief do I really have to be a fan of Bill Gaither to be a real Christian? Ugh I don't like traditional gospel music. I like all types
Not always getting my prayers answered like I want them : I'm a spoiled rotten brat who if my parents wouldn't give me my way I gave myself my way. This sucks. Having faith sucks sometimes.
Going to church : this one is the worst. I HATE going to church. Not for reasons one would think but, you wanna find the judgmental assholes that claim to be Christians? Go to church. Churches should NOT be filled with politics and favoritism. But it happens. But the one thing we should always remember is, none of us are perfect.
On to the Pros...
Reading my Bible : this I don't mind so much. I enjoy reading and, come on, you don't have to read it in one sitting. A chapter a day, and you'll be done in about a year. Plus I find reading it simply makes me feel better. I don't LOOK for a message, I let God send it to me.
Being a loving caring person, just as Jesus loves all of us : this one SHOULD be easy. For a lot, not so much. I struggle daily with this one. I have this fixation with punching people in the face and one day it will happen, but hopefully it will be deserved. Again, I'm working on it...
Knowing that I am ALWAYS loved : No matter what person turns their back on me God never will. Simply put.
Being a Christian is hard. Some days suck so bad that I wonder if it's really even worth it. Being faithful sucks because I'm not patient in the least. My 2 and 7 year olds have more patience than I do. But, my newest hero is Wally from WAYFM. He is the epitome of an imperfect Christian. But he is a wonderful and inspiring person. Someone I'm proud to look up to. I'm not always going to get what I want. The world we live in today, I'm going to greatly be persecuted for my faith. But, my life is filled with joy. I don't care what folks think of me. I can wake up each and every morning knowing that I am loved, and will love as Jesus loves me.
Most people know that I'm a smartass 98.4% of the time so please don't take offense to my post. And yes, there are pros and cons to living a Christ-centered life.
Potty mouth : I have one of the worst potty mouths ever. I'm horrible with the f bomb and my favorite word is shit. No, technically I'm not suppose to say awful ugly words but, am I the only one who feels better sometimes after going off on an obscenity-filled rant? I'm working on it...ok?
Sex : After 10 years of getting it on demand whenever I want, its a challenge to just cut myself of and say, no more, sorry I'm waiting till marriage now...humph... :(
Music : Good grief do I really have to be a fan of Bill Gaither to be a real Christian? Ugh I don't like traditional gospel music. I like all types
Not always getting my prayers answered like I want them : I'm a spoiled rotten brat who if my parents wouldn't give me my way I gave myself my way. This sucks. Having faith sucks sometimes.
Going to church : this one is the worst. I HATE going to church. Not for reasons one would think but, you wanna find the judgmental assholes that claim to be Christians? Go to church. Churches should NOT be filled with politics and favoritism. But it happens. But the one thing we should always remember is, none of us are perfect.
On to the Pros...
Reading my Bible : this I don't mind so much. I enjoy reading and, come on, you don't have to read it in one sitting. A chapter a day, and you'll be done in about a year. Plus I find reading it simply makes me feel better. I don't LOOK for a message, I let God send it to me.
Being a loving caring person, just as Jesus loves all of us : this one SHOULD be easy. For a lot, not so much. I struggle daily with this one. I have this fixation with punching people in the face and one day it will happen, but hopefully it will be deserved. Again, I'm working on it...
Knowing that I am ALWAYS loved : No matter what person turns their back on me God never will. Simply put.
Being a Christian is hard. Some days suck so bad that I wonder if it's really even worth it. Being faithful sucks because I'm not patient in the least. My 2 and 7 year olds have more patience than I do. But, my newest hero is Wally from WAYFM. He is the epitome of an imperfect Christian. But he is a wonderful and inspiring person. Someone I'm proud to look up to. I'm not always going to get what I want. The world we live in today, I'm going to greatly be persecuted for my faith. But, my life is filled with joy. I don't care what folks think of me. I can wake up each and every morning knowing that I am loved, and will love as Jesus loves me.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Thoughts 2
As I sit quietly and ponder all of the comments posted on my previous note, I can't help but question my own relationship with God. This is the time where I sit "uncomfortably in the middle". But could it be that if times like these never came up would I ever be challenged to be a better person? Not "righter" but better. So I know that its my job to spread God's word. And it usually helps to know what you're talking about. No, I don't read my Bible on a consistent basis. Does that make me less of a Christian, well I would hope not. My absolute best friend and I were talking a couple of weeks ago bout trying to find a church to take the kids to. One like we went to when we were kids. Loving, accepting and just all around pretty awesome. But she brought up a valid point. Taking the kids to church is great and all but shouldn't we be better examples for our kids first? Absolutely.
I have always been a curious person I have always wondered why Muslims believe what they believe, Mormons, etc...Not to try to convert or anything but to just see what was the foundation for the beliefs. Again, I am not a history, Theology, or psychology major. I am a person with fairly strong convictions. I say fairly because unless I truly understand something I'm not sure whether to stand behind it or not. Take abortion, that's something medical and moral that I know a little bit about considering my profession and my beliefs. Ok clinically here are the facts. When a child is conceived the heart beings to beat around the 10th day of gestation. So before then the abortionists could actually be right, its a blob of tissue. On that, let me ask you this. Has anyone reading this ever met a woman that knew she was 10 days pregnant? Unless she had some uncanny super power, most likely not. So scientifically and morally I believe that abortion is wrong and is murder. Doctors are killing living breathing growing human beings at alarming rates.I promise this isn't my soap box against abortion I promise. Although even if it was...so what. Lol
Which leads me to share my absolute favorite verse in the Bible Psalms 139:13-16. When you read that how can a person NOT get excited. He made us exactly how He wants us. Even before we were born.
Here's where it can get twisted. Where did most Christians get their teachings from? And don't say God and the Bible. I'm talking on a smaller scale. We got them from our parents and/or pastor. Where did they get theirs...you see where I'm going here? Sometimes I see religion as a generational game of telephone. It's can get distorted being passed along. Heck look at the loons at Westboro Church. Something got screwed up along the way down. My point is this. Yes, I believe you should read and believe your Bible. But why not also listen to what God is directly personally telling you. Believe me, if I hadn't listened to what He told me, I wouldn't have posted my previous note. I believe God speaks to us in many different ways. The way He speaks to me is by beating me over the head until I listen. I'm not good with subtlety. I can pretty much sit here and say the same thing I said before. Talking about love, acceptance and all that jazz, but wouldn't it just be easier to copy and paste the same thing? Our lives are full of trials. We are all going to be persecuted for who we are in one way or another. It just happens. So I chose to celebrate our differences in my own way. The one thing I want any reader of this to take away from this is this her point, God isn't finished with any of us. Until we draw our last breath and enter the kingdom of heaven, he continues on a daily basis to mold us and shape us, like His figurative clay, into something beautiful. Maybe that's why it hurts so much at times.
I have always been a curious person I have always wondered why Muslims believe what they believe, Mormons, etc...Not to try to convert or anything but to just see what was the foundation for the beliefs. Again, I am not a history, Theology, or psychology major. I am a person with fairly strong convictions. I say fairly because unless I truly understand something I'm not sure whether to stand behind it or not. Take abortion, that's something medical and moral that I know a little bit about considering my profession and my beliefs. Ok clinically here are the facts. When a child is conceived the heart beings to beat around the 10th day of gestation. So before then the abortionists could actually be right, its a blob of tissue. On that, let me ask you this. Has anyone reading this ever met a woman that knew she was 10 days pregnant? Unless she had some uncanny super power, most likely not. So scientifically and morally I believe that abortion is wrong and is murder. Doctors are killing living breathing growing human beings at alarming rates.I promise this isn't my soap box against abortion I promise. Although even if it was...so what. Lol
Which leads me to share my absolute favorite verse in the Bible Psalms 139:13-16. When you read that how can a person NOT get excited. He made us exactly how He wants us. Even before we were born.
Here's where it can get twisted. Where did most Christians get their teachings from? And don't say God and the Bible. I'm talking on a smaller scale. We got them from our parents and/or pastor. Where did they get theirs...you see where I'm going here? Sometimes I see religion as a generational game of telephone. It's can get distorted being passed along. Heck look at the loons at Westboro Church. Something got screwed up along the way down. My point is this. Yes, I believe you should read and believe your Bible. But why not also listen to what God is directly personally telling you. Believe me, if I hadn't listened to what He told me, I wouldn't have posted my previous note. I believe God speaks to us in many different ways. The way He speaks to me is by beating me over the head until I listen. I'm not good with subtlety. I can pretty much sit here and say the same thing I said before. Talking about love, acceptance and all that jazz, but wouldn't it just be easier to copy and paste the same thing? Our lives are full of trials. We are all going to be persecuted for who we are in one way or another. It just happens. So I chose to celebrate our differences in my own way. The one thing I want any reader of this to take away from this is this her point, God isn't finished with any of us. Until we draw our last breath and enter the kingdom of heaven, he continues on a daily basis to mold us and shape us, like His figurative clay, into something beautiful. Maybe that's why it hurts so much at times.
Thoughts on an Inflammatory Debate
I have noticed over the last several days a huge surge in folks having huge debates over being gay and Christian. What has sparked this outpouring, I don't know. I have seen some very wise and remarkable pieces written that make me more proud than ever to call myself a Christian. However, there have been some ignorant morons that have spewed the most hateful comments and then have the audacity to call themselves Christians.
I have over my lifetime been raised in a variety of Christian denominations. I have no preference. But I have been raised with the simple values of: read your Bible, follow the Ten Commandments, and love others as I know God loves me. Seems simple enough huh? For some it's not so simple. There are so many Christians that would rather beat you over the head with a Bible and shove verses down your throat than to love you for who you are.
My thoughts may never mean anything to anyone, but they are important to me. And every once in a while its nice to receive a bit of validation when someone agrees with you. But I get the feeling I'm not going to have all who reads this agree with me. I feel at times I can get stuck between the radical Bible thumpers and the extreme left. You're not going to find me picketing on capitol hill for gay marriage. BUT you're not going to find me protesting and spewing hate speech at some kind of gay rally or whatever either. I find myself uncomfortably but comfortably as well in the middle.
So this is probably the part where I piss a few people off. I could sit and rattle off Bible verses but that would do no good and I'd probably make myself look stupid because unless I looked it up I would get it wrong. Even as a child I could not remember my weekly memory verse. But anyway, we all know what the Bible says. We can interpret it in many ways. And to be honest I think that's ok because unless we just totally skew it and completely manipulate it to sound like what WE want it to sound like, maybe that's how God wants up to see His words. Look at Revelations, can you honestly say you completely understand what is being said except that He is returning? Mom and I were actually having a conversation about this yesterday and the point that homosexuality and drug abuse could be handled in the same manner came up. And before you get up in arms let me finish my point. When someone you love is addicted to drugs do you (now keep in mind you TRULY love this person) attack them with all the reasons why it's wrong and how disappointed you are with them and pretty much throw negativity at them? Or do you take them, SHOW them how much you love them, and work through it with them. Can't that same love and devotion be shown to a homosexual person even though you don't necessarily agree with their lifestyle?
I am going to steal a point from a very wise person I know. Do we really have to define ourselves by who we lay down with every night? And if that's the case what should I be considered since I go to bed with...well myself every night. I guess that makes me asexual??? It really shouldn't make any more difference than what color our skin is. I worked with a lesbian nurse for several months. She is a fantastic nurse. Did I judge her because of her sexual preference? Well of course not. It never even crossed my mind unless SHE brought it up, which was rare.
We can sit and argue and debate over whether a homosexual person can truly be a Christian until we are all blue in the face and angry beyond belief. But the true argument is this. Can YOU truly call yourself a Christian when you spew hateful words just for the sake of "knowing what the Bible says"?
I have over my lifetime been raised in a variety of Christian denominations. I have no preference. But I have been raised with the simple values of: read your Bible, follow the Ten Commandments, and love others as I know God loves me. Seems simple enough huh? For some it's not so simple. There are so many Christians that would rather beat you over the head with a Bible and shove verses down your throat than to love you for who you are.
My thoughts may never mean anything to anyone, but they are important to me. And every once in a while its nice to receive a bit of validation when someone agrees with you. But I get the feeling I'm not going to have all who reads this agree with me. I feel at times I can get stuck between the radical Bible thumpers and the extreme left. You're not going to find me picketing on capitol hill for gay marriage. BUT you're not going to find me protesting and spewing hate speech at some kind of gay rally or whatever either. I find myself uncomfortably but comfortably as well in the middle.
So this is probably the part where I piss a few people off. I could sit and rattle off Bible verses but that would do no good and I'd probably make myself look stupid because unless I looked it up I would get it wrong. Even as a child I could not remember my weekly memory verse. But anyway, we all know what the Bible says. We can interpret it in many ways. And to be honest I think that's ok because unless we just totally skew it and completely manipulate it to sound like what WE want it to sound like, maybe that's how God wants up to see His words. Look at Revelations, can you honestly say you completely understand what is being said except that He is returning? Mom and I were actually having a conversation about this yesterday and the point that homosexuality and drug abuse could be handled in the same manner came up. And before you get up in arms let me finish my point. When someone you love is addicted to drugs do you (now keep in mind you TRULY love this person) attack them with all the reasons why it's wrong and how disappointed you are with them and pretty much throw negativity at them? Or do you take them, SHOW them how much you love them, and work through it with them. Can't that same love and devotion be shown to a homosexual person even though you don't necessarily agree with their lifestyle?
I am going to steal a point from a very wise person I know. Do we really have to define ourselves by who we lay down with every night? And if that's the case what should I be considered since I go to bed with...well myself every night. I guess that makes me asexual??? It really shouldn't make any more difference than what color our skin is. I worked with a lesbian nurse for several months. She is a fantastic nurse. Did I judge her because of her sexual preference? Well of course not. It never even crossed my mind unless SHE brought it up, which was rare.
We can sit and argue and debate over whether a homosexual person can truly be a Christian until we are all blue in the face and angry beyond belief. But the true argument is this. Can YOU truly call yourself a Christian when you spew hateful words just for the sake of "knowing what the Bible says"?
Good Ol Soapbox
I promised the last post wouldn't be my soapbox against abortion. Well guess what...this one is. I have seen a lot of stuff about Planned Parenthood here lately, which when are they NOT in the middle of the media? These ate the most warped, misinformed group of people spreading misinformation I have ever seen in my life. Yes, they offer women's health screenings and such. But they also pretty much tell women if you don't want your baby, get rid of it. This isn't my "Planned Parenthood bashing platform" so I will stop there.
As I mentioned in my last note being a nurse I have a pretty good grip on the anatomy of a fetus and pregnant mother. So we know that the heart begins beating roughly around the 10th day of conception. And as I said before do any of you know a woman that knew she was 10 days pregnant. Probably not. So once she finds out that she's pregnant she's already grown a living breathing human in her body for several weeks. So how can anyone justify that its "just another part of her body"?
God makes no mistakes. Granted in say my, and many other people's situations He probably isn't too happy with us who have children outside of marriage but he makes crappy situations better. I know this all too well. No child is a mistake in His eyes. In my opinion by aborting a child you are cutting God's plan short. Yes, God is in control but he also gives us free-will. So you can't say that was in God's plan. So now that I have put the Christian spin on it let's look at some legal aspects of it.
In many states assault or murder to a pregnant woman is gonna land you 2 charges. One for the mother and one for the baby. I think it's fair to say that we all would say "heck yeah. They deserve it" And look at the Susan Smiths and Casey Anthonys in the world. Who kill their innocent children who not once asked to have those psychos for parents. If I did my research correctly Susan Smith is still serving her sentence, and if the jury has any sense Casey Anthony will suffer the same fate. Again we all say the same "heck yeah, she deserves it". So what is the difference between those mothers and the thousands of mothers who cut their children's lives short by abortion everyday?
Some people wonder why I'm so against the health care bill well there are tons of reasons from my nursing stand point but my personal reason is this. Until someone caught it and demanded reform, there was a clause that allowed Medicaid to fund abortions. What did that personally say to me? (I say this as nicely as possibly) That the government was going to fund government riding baby factories to do stupid crap ie be promiscuous and they will clean up the mess for them. See my point, WE would have funded that whether we liked it or not.
Do I believe that folks should be allowed to do what they want to their bodies? Sure, I have tattoos, and piercings, and I like them. We can easily go into a fight over the verse that talks about mutilating the body, but not to be a jerk, I'd win that one too probably. That being said, when you become pregnant with a child I believe its not YOUR body anymore. It's that baby's home for the next 40 weeks. Some may argue "well if abortion is made illegal then women will go underground for them and that's not safe" ok, that's their stupidity for doing something illegal. Would you have the same sympathy for someone who died committing an armed robbery? There are thousands of people who want babies to adopt. If you neither can't nor are willing to provide your child with the best life possible why not allow someone who can and does want to? That would definitely be a morally better thing to do than to kill him/her. Some could even say, what about babies who are going to be disabled or ones victim of incest. Guess what they still deserve the chance to live out God's plan for themselves.
As I mentioned in my last note being a nurse I have a pretty good grip on the anatomy of a fetus and pregnant mother. So we know that the heart begins beating roughly around the 10th day of conception. And as I said before do any of you know a woman that knew she was 10 days pregnant. Probably not. So once she finds out that she's pregnant she's already grown a living breathing human in her body for several weeks. So how can anyone justify that its "just another part of her body"?
God makes no mistakes. Granted in say my, and many other people's situations He probably isn't too happy with us who have children outside of marriage but he makes crappy situations better. I know this all too well. No child is a mistake in His eyes. In my opinion by aborting a child you are cutting God's plan short. Yes, God is in control but he also gives us free-will. So you can't say that was in God's plan. So now that I have put the Christian spin on it let's look at some legal aspects of it.
In many states assault or murder to a pregnant woman is gonna land you 2 charges. One for the mother and one for the baby. I think it's fair to say that we all would say "heck yeah. They deserve it" And look at the Susan Smiths and Casey Anthonys in the world. Who kill their innocent children who not once asked to have those psychos for parents. If I did my research correctly Susan Smith is still serving her sentence, and if the jury has any sense Casey Anthony will suffer the same fate. Again we all say the same "heck yeah, she deserves it". So what is the difference between those mothers and the thousands of mothers who cut their children's lives short by abortion everyday?
Some people wonder why I'm so against the health care bill well there are tons of reasons from my nursing stand point but my personal reason is this. Until someone caught it and demanded reform, there was a clause that allowed Medicaid to fund abortions. What did that personally say to me? (I say this as nicely as possibly) That the government was going to fund government riding baby factories to do stupid crap ie be promiscuous and they will clean up the mess for them. See my point, WE would have funded that whether we liked it or not.
Do I believe that folks should be allowed to do what they want to their bodies? Sure, I have tattoos, and piercings, and I like them. We can easily go into a fight over the verse that talks about mutilating the body, but not to be a jerk, I'd win that one too probably. That being said, when you become pregnant with a child I believe its not YOUR body anymore. It's that baby's home for the next 40 weeks. Some may argue "well if abortion is made illegal then women will go underground for them and that's not safe" ok, that's their stupidity for doing something illegal. Would you have the same sympathy for someone who died committing an armed robbery? There are thousands of people who want babies to adopt. If you neither can't nor are willing to provide your child with the best life possible why not allow someone who can and does want to? That would definitely be a morally better thing to do than to kill him/her. Some could even say, what about babies who are going to be disabled or ones victim of incest. Guess what they still deserve the chance to live out God's plan for themselves.
Teen Pregnancy and That Show Teen Mom
Before I start I want to make something very clear. This is not a jab to any one person or any group of people. If you take any of this personally then you either A. need to evaluate your life and make some changes because this is making you think or B. Realize that I may give folks crap about things I see wrong but my life doesn't revolve around dissing you, and refer back to A.
So yesterday I had a bit of a Facebook brawl with an obviously very young girl with too much time on her hands and a seriously warped sense of reality. I was going to post exactly what she had said but she has since removed the comment. Basically she was commenting on how much she liked the girl Chelsea on Teen Mom 2 and how much she wants to be like her, how good a mom Chelsea is, and that she's pregnant and naming her baby Chelsea. Ok am I the only one that sees numerous things wrong with this? Those of you who watch teen mom has to obviously see what I see in this girl. A spoiled brat who has a daddy that does everything for her and she still manages to screw everything up. Granted she's no Jenelle but she still isn't much of a role model in my book. Yes, I have a massive problem with teenagers procreating, especially when they are still dependent on their parents for everything. Do I think that automatically makes them bad parents, no. Does that automatically make their parents bad, no. I know some teenagers that would rather die than follow rules and do what's right despite ANYONE'S efforts. My mother, best friend and many other women I know that had children at that young of an age are some of the most amazing mothers I know. There are married, college educated people out there who really don't need to reproduce. But I do however think that it's a good idea to have a few adult life experiences under your belt before you decide to think it's time to bring another person in this world and try to teach them things that you have no experience in. Plus how fun is it to see all your girl friends going to prom and the mall. And not to mention having a job because you WANT to not because you HAVE to to buy diapers. I could go into all the things that you miss out on and whatever, that is not my point. Granted, yes the teen years is rough. You're not a child anymore but you're not quite an adult, even though you want to be treated like one. The answer is NOT to go out and get knocked up, thinking you're automatically going to be treated like an adult. Crapping out a kid @ 16 doesn't give you all rights and privileges of an adult.
So here is my problem with the Teen Mom show. I'm pretty sure that MTV's intent was to show teenagers how hard it is to raise a child at such a young age. However, the over all effect that I've seen is little girls thinking, "Hey, that's cool, I could do it." Or they think that if they get pregnant maybe MTV will recruit them to be on the new season. It makes me beyond sad to see young girls idolize these girls who have made poor decisions and are paying for it. And what's worse, they are getting paid to air their drama on TV. I looked it up, these girls are getting paid about $5000 an episode, roughly $60,000 a year. To most of us that may not seem like much comparatively, but that's a lot of money. I also read they get a $120,000 bonus @ the end of the series. And they were on 16 and pregnant which earned them a cool $100,000 right off the bat. Add that up, it's roughly $250,000. Do most of you all realize even as a fairly well-paid nurse it would take me almost 6 years to make that much money? Granted, regardless of age, one should be compensated for their time. But hey how about this, get Pampers, Gerber and other baby companies to sponsor the show and pay these girls in things they NEED for their kids. A little money is fine, bills have to be paid, indeed. Or why not set up a college fund for them? But I think giving a 17, 18 year old a quarter of a million dollars is asking for trouble.
My over all point is this. All of these girls, and celebrities are false idols. Sure some of them aren't too bad examples to look up to, and are fairly decent citizens. But if you base your life on the way certain people act, and not following God, you're again, asking for trouble. Sure, I believe that God sends us mentors and leaders to help us along our path, but I highly doubt few, if any, are all these people you see flash across your TV. Things like Teen Mom and other shows like it either intentionally or unintentionally glorify careless behaviors. Chose your role models wisely and listen to God, he will steer you to the right ones.
So yesterday I had a bit of a Facebook brawl with an obviously very young girl with too much time on her hands and a seriously warped sense of reality. I was going to post exactly what she had said but she has since removed the comment. Basically she was commenting on how much she liked the girl Chelsea on Teen Mom 2 and how much she wants to be like her, how good a mom Chelsea is, and that she's pregnant and naming her baby Chelsea. Ok am I the only one that sees numerous things wrong with this? Those of you who watch teen mom has to obviously see what I see in this girl. A spoiled brat who has a daddy that does everything for her and she still manages to screw everything up. Granted she's no Jenelle but she still isn't much of a role model in my book. Yes, I have a massive problem with teenagers procreating, especially when they are still dependent on their parents for everything. Do I think that automatically makes them bad parents, no. Does that automatically make their parents bad, no. I know some teenagers that would rather die than follow rules and do what's right despite ANYONE'S efforts. My mother, best friend and many other women I know that had children at that young of an age are some of the most amazing mothers I know. There are married, college educated people out there who really don't need to reproduce. But I do however think that it's a good idea to have a few adult life experiences under your belt before you decide to think it's time to bring another person in this world and try to teach them things that you have no experience in. Plus how fun is it to see all your girl friends going to prom and the mall. And not to mention having a job because you WANT to not because you HAVE to to buy diapers. I could go into all the things that you miss out on and whatever, that is not my point. Granted, yes the teen years is rough. You're not a child anymore but you're not quite an adult, even though you want to be treated like one. The answer is NOT to go out and get knocked up, thinking you're automatically going to be treated like an adult. Crapping out a kid @ 16 doesn't give you all rights and privileges of an adult.
So here is my problem with the Teen Mom show. I'm pretty sure that MTV's intent was to show teenagers how hard it is to raise a child at such a young age. However, the over all effect that I've seen is little girls thinking, "Hey, that's cool, I could do it." Or they think that if they get pregnant maybe MTV will recruit them to be on the new season. It makes me beyond sad to see young girls idolize these girls who have made poor decisions and are paying for it. And what's worse, they are getting paid to air their drama on TV. I looked it up, these girls are getting paid about $5000 an episode, roughly $60,000 a year. To most of us that may not seem like much comparatively, but that's a lot of money. I also read they get a $120,000 bonus @ the end of the series. And they were on 16 and pregnant which earned them a cool $100,000 right off the bat. Add that up, it's roughly $250,000. Do most of you all realize even as a fairly well-paid nurse it would take me almost 6 years to make that much money? Granted, regardless of age, one should be compensated for their time. But hey how about this, get Pampers, Gerber and other baby companies to sponsor the show and pay these girls in things they NEED for their kids. A little money is fine, bills have to be paid, indeed. Or why not set up a college fund for them? But I think giving a 17, 18 year old a quarter of a million dollars is asking for trouble.
My over all point is this. All of these girls, and celebrities are false idols. Sure some of them aren't too bad examples to look up to, and are fairly decent citizens. But if you base your life on the way certain people act, and not following God, you're again, asking for trouble. Sure, I believe that God sends us mentors and leaders to help us along our path, but I highly doubt few, if any, are all these people you see flash across your TV. Things like Teen Mom and other shows like it either intentionally or unintentionally glorify careless behaviors. Chose your role models wisely and listen to God, he will steer you to the right ones.
May I please Be Excused to Throw Up?
My rant, and I will try my best to not be terribly graphic on a graphic subject that has deeply disturbed me. However, I make no promises.
So, normally when I am on here looking at the pages I am a fan of I usually don't take a lot of stock into much of what I read because most of it is posted to take up time and space. However I was reading some posts on Vigilant Citizen, an anti-illuminati page. Something someone posted truly disturbed me to the point of nausea. This person had posted something about the organization NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) Yes, even the name makes me violently ill. This organization advocates for pedophiles. Although, they don't see it that way. They think it is perfectly normal for older men to have sexual relationships with minor boys. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for mentoring and being positive role models for boys, especially for those that don't have their fathers. However, I have a BIG problem with men having sex with boys. No, I'm not bashing homosexuals because I have just as much problem with grown men having sex with minor girls, and vice versa. Look at what's his face Warren Jeffs and his twisted followers. Am I the only one that is deeply disturbed by all this? I would think that any of my friends would be as much as I am.
So, I could go into a long deep speech about people discover their sexuality (homo or hetero) at a young age and all, even though it is true, it is irrelevant at this time. We could even go into how some people think that homosexuality is a mental disorder, that's just as irrelevant. However both of these thoughts are relevant. Yes, I think that teenagers have the desire to have sex just as adults do. Although I think that it's always smarter for them to wait, I'd safely say that over half are going to have sex as teenagers. I think that whether we argue if it is natural or not there are homosexuals, it's a part of life, just like different races are equally part of life. (again, I ramble but there's a point) HOWEVER I feel that pedophilia IS a mental disorder. Maybe not in and of it's self--it probably stems from some diagnosable disorder. I just don't see how there are people that think that adults having sex with children (yes, folks teenagers ARE children) can possibly be natural. So, my Bible scholar friends can pull verses and chapters out of men marrying young girls and all that good stuff. However, doesn't the Bible also tell us to follow the law of the land along with his laws? Yeah, for those that don't know, it's called statutory rape, molestation, sexual abuse!
Ok, now, here is what even further disturbed me.
Kevin Jennings is the founder of Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Ok, that's cool. He was appointed by Education Secretary Arne Duncan, to head the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools. Ok, no problems there either right? Well, keep reading.
So, basically this man is over the safety of our school-age children. He knew of an illegal situation that was self-reported by a child and didn't report this to authorities.AND it seems that he is a supporter of NAMBLA? Now, how would he have reacted if it had been a teenage girl reporting this to him that she was having sex with an of age man?
This kind of crap terrifies me. I have two sons but if I had a daughter I would be just as scared. I realize that there are sick twisted people out there and they can post whatever they want to on the internet, but we have a member of our so-called government, who's job is to oversee the safety of our children in schools, apparently supporting this. It is our job to protect our kids from predators, that's why I am writing this. So many of my friends have precious children, and I would be very much grateful if they found something as such to share it with me.
So, normally when I am on here looking at the pages I am a fan of I usually don't take a lot of stock into much of what I read because most of it is posted to take up time and space. However I was reading some posts on Vigilant Citizen, an anti-illuminati page. Something someone posted truly disturbed me to the point of nausea. This person had posted something about the organization NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) Yes, even the name makes me violently ill. This organization advocates for pedophiles. Although, they don't see it that way. They think it is perfectly normal for older men to have sexual relationships with minor boys. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for mentoring and being positive role models for boys, especially for those that don't have their fathers. However, I have a BIG problem with men having sex with boys. No, I'm not bashing homosexuals because I have just as much problem with grown men having sex with minor girls, and vice versa. Look at what's his face Warren Jeffs and his twisted followers. Am I the only one that is deeply disturbed by all this? I would think that any of my friends would be as much as I am.
So, I could go into a long deep speech about people discover their sexuality (homo or hetero) at a young age and all, even though it is true, it is irrelevant at this time. We could even go into how some people think that homosexuality is a mental disorder, that's just as irrelevant. However both of these thoughts are relevant. Yes, I think that teenagers have the desire to have sex just as adults do. Although I think that it's always smarter for them to wait, I'd safely say that over half are going to have sex as teenagers. I think that whether we argue if it is natural or not there are homosexuals, it's a part of life, just like different races are equally part of life. (again, I ramble but there's a point) HOWEVER I feel that pedophilia IS a mental disorder. Maybe not in and of it's self--it probably stems from some diagnosable disorder. I just don't see how there are people that think that adults having sex with children (yes, folks teenagers ARE children) can possibly be natural. So, my Bible scholar friends can pull verses and chapters out of men marrying young girls and all that good stuff. However, doesn't the Bible also tell us to follow the law of the land along with his laws? Yeah, for those that don't know, it's called statutory rape, molestation, sexual abuse!
Ok, now, here is what even further disturbed me.
Kevin Jennings is the founder of Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Ok, that's cool. He was appointed by Education Secretary Arne Duncan, to head the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools. Ok, no problems there either right? Well, keep reading.
Perhaps the most dramatic illustration, however, of Jennings’ unfitness for a “safe schools” post involves an incident when he taught at Concord Academy, a private boarding school in Massachusetts. In his book One Teacher in Ten (the title is based on the discredited myth, now abandoned even by “gay” activist groups, that ten percent of the population is homosexual), he tells about a young male sophomore, “Brewster,” who confessed to Jennings “his involvement with an older man he met in Boston.” But at a GLSEN rally in 2000, Jennings told a more explicit version of “Brewster’s” story. Jennings here quotes the boy and then comments: “‘I met someone in the bus station bathroom and I went home with him.’ High school sophomore, 15 years old. That was the only way he knew how to meet gay people.”
Did Jennings report this high-risk behavior to the authorities? To the school? To the boy’s parents? No -- he just told the boy, “I hope you knew to use a condom.” Sex between an adult and a young person below the “age of consent” (which varies from state to state) is a crime known as statutory rape, and some states mandate that people in certain professions report such abuse.
Kevin Jennings, President Obama's Assistant Deputy Secretary of the Office of Safe and Drug FreeSchools at the U.S. Department of Education, is in hot water this week for having failed to report that a 15-year-old sophomore student in his school had told him of having sex with an older man.
But failure to report what appeared to be a case of statuatory rape of a child may be the least of Jennings' worries. Lori Roman of Regular Folks United points to statements by Jennings a decade or more ago when he praised Harry Hay of the North American Association for Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), which promotes the legalization of sexual abuse of young boys by older men.
So, basically this man is over the safety of our school-age children. He knew of an illegal situation that was self-reported by a child and didn't report this to authorities.AND it seems that he is a supporter of NAMBLA? Now, how would he have reacted if it had been a teenage girl reporting this to him that she was having sex with an of age man?
This kind of crap terrifies me. I have two sons but if I had a daughter I would be just as scared. I realize that there are sick twisted people out there and they can post whatever they want to on the internet, but we have a member of our so-called government, who's job is to oversee the safety of our children in schools, apparently supporting this. It is our job to protect our kids from predators, that's why I am writing this. So many of my friends have precious children, and I would be very much grateful if they found something as such to share it with me.
Refocusing
So, I'm going to try to post once a day. I think right now that may be a little unrealistic, but definitely once a week. I may even start posting a few of my favorite quotes, and little things like that. I think thus far whomever has read this blog who doesn't know me personally thinks I'm an emotional trainwreck. Well, there's a little more to me than a lady that wears her heart on her sleeve. I'm a mama to two sweet little boys. I'm a nurse, been in it for 12 years and love almost every aspect of it! I think I'm lots of fun and my friends think so too! Please feel free to follow this blog. I don't lead a super exciting life and I'm not a very inspiring person. However, I can be quite entertaining at times. You will never know what I'm going to say or do. And I love to talk about it. I'm also going to be transferring some of my notes from Facebook, so I can share things with more people.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Don't Scratch the Scab...
The last few days have been pretty decent. Even though my boys have been sick and I've been attempting to wean Ethan off the bedtime sippy cup. That hasn't been fun at all. Especially considering today, he finally ruined his last soft spout cup. Weaning him off those is like breaking a baby from a binky. So, with him being sick it's been a challenge. Jaden hasn't wanted to go back to school either so that's been hard on me too. BUT it's actually been a good thing. I've been distracted. I've been focused on what's important. My kiddos. They have suffered right along with me the last month. They have dealt with a grumpy, moody mama. They haven't deserved that. I think my family has suffered too because they definitely don't enjoy seeing me depressed and upset. I've tried to flirt and be friendly but I kept feeling like I was doing something wrong. I know, I've said that before. But I think that guilt was coming from a different source than I thought. I think I was feeling guilty not because I felt like I was betraying James, but that I was selling myself way short. I think I did good choosing him. Ultimately, he's a good person, and I hold no grudges against him. And I know that since I have done it once, I can do it again. It sure wasn't easy to decide on him and it certainly didn't happen over night. It's not going to this time either. But in all reality there's not going to be a this time for a long time. I've GOT to get back on track with school, and I have in the last few days. I've busted out a few chapters and quizzes so I think hopefully in the next few weeks I can take my big test. Shoo, that's scary to think about.
God has been so good to me, but in my self loathing and throwing my "everybody feel sorry for me" bash, I refused to see it. I don't take hints well and subtleties go right over my head. You pretty much better have a hammer handy if you're going to even try to get a point across to me because otherwise, you're going to get a very constipated look from me. God knows that better than anyone does. So that's why every once in a while he has to pull the hammer out and beat me in the head. Yeah, sounds like an all loving God huh? Well, your parents had to beat your butt every so often to get their point across didn't they?
So, the point behind my title was emotional healing is very much like physical healing. You get a cut, (hurt feelings), it bleeds, then develops a scab. Well, in emotional healing, you get a theoretical "scab" on your heart. It's in the process of healing but it's not quite finished. We all know what happens when we scratch an actual scab that hasn't totally healed yet. It's either going to start bleeding again, or you're going to uncover raw, sore skin. Well, in my case, I began to not only bleed again, I gushed. And, it's been evident in my last few posts. I just wasn't ready to even consider thinking about another serious relationship. No matter how either one of us may try to deny it, my and James's relationship began to get serious. Or he was an amazing faker, in which the Oscars needs to be called and he deserves the prize for sure. Will I ever know absolutely either way? Probably not. But I can genuinely say, I'm ok with that. People come in and out of our lives for specific reasons. Sometimes we don't actually know the reason for a long time. But either way it was a blessing and I will never think otherwise. So, for now I'm sticking my Hello Kitty Band-Aid back on and letting myself heal this time.
God has been so good to me, but in my self loathing and throwing my "everybody feel sorry for me" bash, I refused to see it. I don't take hints well and subtleties go right over my head. You pretty much better have a hammer handy if you're going to even try to get a point across to me because otherwise, you're going to get a very constipated look from me. God knows that better than anyone does. So that's why every once in a while he has to pull the hammer out and beat me in the head. Yeah, sounds like an all loving God huh? Well, your parents had to beat your butt every so often to get their point across didn't they?
So, the point behind my title was emotional healing is very much like physical healing. You get a cut, (hurt feelings), it bleeds, then develops a scab. Well, in emotional healing, you get a theoretical "scab" on your heart. It's in the process of healing but it's not quite finished. We all know what happens when we scratch an actual scab that hasn't totally healed yet. It's either going to start bleeding again, or you're going to uncover raw, sore skin. Well, in my case, I began to not only bleed again, I gushed. And, it's been evident in my last few posts. I just wasn't ready to even consider thinking about another serious relationship. No matter how either one of us may try to deny it, my and James's relationship began to get serious. Or he was an amazing faker, in which the Oscars needs to be called and he deserves the prize for sure. Will I ever know absolutely either way? Probably not. But I can genuinely say, I'm ok with that. People come in and out of our lives for specific reasons. Sometimes we don't actually know the reason for a long time. But either way it was a blessing and I will never think otherwise. So, for now I'm sticking my Hello Kitty Band-Aid back on and letting myself heal this time.
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